Note to self

Dear Current April,

Now, dear, I hate to say it. But really. I did tell you so. Several months ago, when Clare started to make progress towards crawling (at that point she could only roll to her next destination) I warned you to baby proof. I made it very clear that this would be the ideal time. However, you scoffed at me. Tsk, Tsk. You are such a procrastinator. Always have been.
Now look at the mess you are in. Clare can crawl. Anywhere she wants. She can cruise (walking anywhere she can hold on to). She finds items on the floor you weren't even aware existed. The wad of gum in cheek on Thursday she was chewing? That was a piece of newspaper she had torn off at her diaper change. The dime she tried desperately to pick up this afternoon under the couch? Tasty. The wire that runs to the sub woofer? Delicious.
But did you heed my advice? No. You have "worked" with children for years. You are an expert. Well, have fun running around after her. FYI-she may have only managed one step on Friday, but that is only the beginning. She will make it upstairs, soon. She will climb baby jail. She is stubborn (and just whose fault it that?). So, continue your daily exercise of chasing after her, instead of realizing that your current design scheme will simply not work with small children.

Below is a starting list of things that should be fixed, ASAP:

1. Metal side tables with sharp corners and glass tops...really? Are you stupid? Whether she cracks her head open on the edge first or slams a toy down and breaks the glass first is unseen, but, again, are your serious?
2. Ummm, wine glasses, hanging upside down, eye level in a wine bar? Self explanatory.
3. Steps (see the aforementioned issue).
4. Wires, everywhere. Daddy's surround sound is soon to be destroyed.
5. Silk blinds? Fantastic new purchase. Did you miss the memo that you have a child?
6. New area rugs? See above.
7. Tablecloths are just a means for her to get items she can not reach. Her joy in pulling them off the table (and thus the breakable items on the table with it) towards her (as she has already demonstrated) is one of her favorite pastimes. Is cleaning it up one of yours?
8. Dog hair in places you could not even fathom give her immense fun in finding. Learn to sweep under things. Like couch cushions.
9. She will eat the dog food if Abby continues to bury in her blankets. (*Hint: don't let Abby hide them in her blankets)
10. Yes, dripping bottles upside down and all over the new rug is fun. Thanks for asking her. She will continue to do so, unless you take it away.

Please note that many of the items above where taken from her to-do list for tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Your Common Sense, which you must have left at the hospital when you gave birth.