I'm really hot...and not is the fun way.

So, if you haven't talked to me over the last few days, I would encourage you to count yourself among the lucky. I've been a teensy, tiny bit crabby. As most of you know, I'm usually a very pleasant, sunny girl who loves everyone. However, our nearly brand spankin' new central air crapped out on us. It was blistering hot here last week and I finally called uncle on Sunday. 2 hours of the AC running and I'm still sweating. So, I call Chris and he walks me through a series of interesting tests, involving breakers, fuses, flashlights and a great deal of swear words (on my end). Oh a ginormous spider web that I ATE trying to reach the fuse box. So, no such luck and he wouldn't be home until at least 1 am. That night/morning he came home and tried for about an hour to fix it. Still no luck. On Monday, after a series of very interesting experiments, we discovered that it is wired wrong. Some where. As in, we don't know where it's messed up, but it is. (I use "we", however we all know I mean "him". I don't even know what "wires" he is referring to. I'm Mrs. Bobbi the Builder compared to most girls, and I still don't know.) So Chris comes up with an interesting, albeit temporary fix of 2 toothpicks jammed in something on the box thingy outside (condenser?compressor? I don't know). In order to turn on the AC, I have to flip the breaker. However, it can't run too long or the system will "freeze". Again, I don't know what any of this means. Chris is working 3 jobs @ 18 hours a day, so mum is the word about the situation. He is going to look at it on Sunday.
Clare, not so amused about this. She was actually, sorta, kinda PISSED OFF! She does not like being hot (really, who does?) It was 91 degrees in her room. There was no breeze. So, she has been falling asleep, for the night, at 6pm. On Tuesday morning, she didn't wake up until 9:30 am. That was only after Chris and I, in a dead panic, raced into her room and Chris jerked her out of bed, waking her up and really making her mad. However, she has been requesting night time bottles. I'm not a fan. We haven't really done that in awhile at home. So, she and I have seen each other around 4:30am. She is not all that friendly, she just grunts and cries until you stick a bottle in her mouth and then she sucks it all down, all while never even having the common courteous to open her eyes.
Do you want to know how you nominate yourself for a WT Award? Go to Walmart because they have AC and you don't. That's how Clare and I (although in fairness, she wasn't given a choice) spent part of the day on Monday. We went for a baby pool, which I can not figure out how to blow up.
**I realize I could use my mouth, but, despite many jokes about being filled with hot air, that is not realistic. Even when I could walk 1/4 mile with out being out of breathe, I couldn't have blown this thing up.
So, that thus far has been our exciting week. Chris has 2 more days of 18 hours and then it's back to normal. There is a small chance that Clare is sleeping so much because she's over me. I mean, I'm entertaining, but at 18 hours a day, it gets old.
Let me know if you all want to hear the story about how I possibly converted 1/2 of the pair that made the mistake of knocking on my door to "share Jesus Christ with me". Do you think I get extra points if I win?
I may now be blacklisted from religious group visits. Never knock on a stay at home mom's door. She has nothing better to do than argue.

Crap.

I fully realize that I have no excuses. I knew this day was coming. I've talked about it, blogged about it, and even complained about it. I also understand that it is difficult for others to sympathize with me, because, it was expected. However, here is the problem:
CLARE IS MOBILE.
To most, this may seem like a typical occurrence after having a child. But, I just (just!) figured out my life. I have a good routine going. In the morning, I put Clare in the pack and play bassinet while I let the dogs out and make coffee. She hangs out and tries to eat her feet. I feed her a bottle and then she plays on a blanket in the living room, while I empty the dishwasher, check my email, blah, blah, blah.
Now, I can't do any of those things. She is trying to flip out of the bassinet, into the back of the pack and play. Or she is trying to dive bomb the floor, head first. Or she is reaching over to grab something that is not baby safe and eat it.
In the living room, she rolls to her next destination. Usually in the direction of one of the dogs. I can tell, because Serena will suddenly join me in the kitchen. Abby, being slightly stupid, just lays there, until Clare tries to eat her. Tiger wants nothing to do with any of this mess.
So, here is how the realization came to me:
On Friday, I put Clare to bed. Same routine as always, except she was slightly awake, so I laid her in the crib, on her back. I was down stairs, listening on the monitor and I could hear her making small noises. First, she was grunting (never a good sign) and then she was babbling, but sometimes she talks herself to sleep (hopeful much?). Chris called and said he was on his way home and since he hates when she's already down for the night when he gets home, I went upstairs to bring her back down, because she was clearly not asleep. I walked into the nursery and could not process what my eyes were seeing. In the corner of her crib, Clare was sitting up. I ran downstairs to grab the camera, to show Chris, and when I came back up she was on all four and smiling in the dark.
Hysterically funny, huh?
So, first on the list will be dropping the crib.
In other news, we had beautiful, smoking hot weather here. On Saturday, the peanut and I went to watch Chris's game. There is no time limit in HS baseball, only a mercy rule. We were there for an hour. The game never progressed past the 4th inning. As in we arrived with 2 outs in the top of the 4th and left with 2 outs in the bottom. Exciting, because Chris's team won 17-1. Crappy, because it was taking F-O-R-E-V-E-R!
Then it was over to Delaware to visit Steph and hang out with her. Clare enjoyed playing on her blanket and seeing healthy flowers (vs. mine, which while alive now, have a short life expectancy).
On Sunday, Aunt Sherry and I swapped kids. She took Clare to a horse show (which is great because I'm terrified of horses) and I took her 2 younger girls to see Hananah Montana. Fantastic movie. You should all go see it. The singing is the best.
Then it was home to a blistering hot, 91 degree house. After admitting defeat, I turned on the central air. 2 hours later, the thermostat is still reading 89 degrees (inside). After some fun phone directions, I've discovered the condenser (or the big box outside thingy?) is not working. It's only a year or so old. Clearly, I'm missing something. So I'm trying not to kill myself here as I type this up. Poor Chris is working 17 hour days at the theater, so he's not here to fix it. delightful.

Is there AA for Coupons?

So as we have all heard (at least as far as I'm aware, all of the readers) I'm officially the "Crazy Coupon Lady" at the store. I realize that I'm super annoying to other shoppers, however, I simply can't help myself. Some of you may think I need a hobby or a job, but I have both:
JOB: SAVING CRAZY AMOUNTS OF CASH
HOBBY: TICKING OFF THE OTHER CUSTOMERS
Seriously, it started out with clipping Sunday coupons to save $ at the food store. It's my bi-monthly shopping trip, so I can make a little effort to save a few bucks. Plus, I stay home. Now don't misunderstand. I've always been frugal. Then, I realized how much I could save, just buying sale items (except for produce) and shopping at both food stores (they are across the street from each other). As I started saving more and more money, it became a game. Before I came home to Ohio, I had started figuring out tricks to saving more than I spent.
Now, I'm not to the level of the lady on the 10:00 news, that buys a month worth of groceries for $.02. But, I'm doing okay.
However, here is where I know it's getting out of hand. I found out the this week at Kmart, you can double manufactures coupons up to $4. So, I was pumped. With coupons (+ a $5 off coupon for Kmart) I purchased: 2 Herbal Essenes new line of Shampoos/Conditioners, 3 Suave shampoos and conditioner, 2 Dove Cream Oil Body Washes, 2 Deodorants, 1 huge thing of Pedilite, 1 bag of dog treats, 2 things of cat treats, OUST disinfectant spray, 409 Cleaner, 2 Other cleaners, Ranch Dressing, yummy chocolate and trash bags. READY FOR THE TOTAL......WAIT FOR IT.......
$9 FLIPPIN DOLLARS! Isn't that pretty good? Cause I'm impressed.
Many of you are now curious as to where the problem lies. Well, here are some the issues:
1. I've been compared to Kate Gosselin (renee) for refusing to shop at certain stores without coupons. I also feel like it is wasting money and thought her reaction to Jon was not only appropriate, buy very valid.
2. Chris wanted ChexMix several weeks ago, however it wasn't on sale, so he couldn't have it. He asked me to pick some up and I said no. He thought I was kidding. He was not amused when I can home, sans the ChexMix.
3. I called nearly anyone who would listen this evening to tell them about the deals I got tonight. My Mom gets weekly calls indicating the savings at the Food Store. Steph does as well. They should probably not answer when they know I'm going to the store.
4. I have a problem with Shampoo's. I keep getting them free. And it's not like they will ever go bad. So, it my very tiny bathroom, we have like 9 bottles of shampoo. There are only 2 people in this house with hair.
So, I just want to share, because I may need to attend meetings for this soon.

Let's see if I'm right...

Is purple a girl color?

Yes, of course.

No, it's purple, everyone knows it's safe both ways.

I really don't care, I just wanted to vote:)

whooga au

Updates

Ugh! Migraines stink. I had another last night. Clare had a great weekend. On Saturday, she and I banged out a ton of yard work. Although, looking back, I did most of the work. She really should learn to pull her own weight around here. She actually watched me from her stroller for the majority of the time. I was smart enough to clip her paci and toys to the stroller and her so she could not throw them on the ground, but girlfriend is super strong, so she was able to pull her paci off after a great deal of effort and throw it in the dirt. However, it gave her something to do, so I wasn't complaining. She also had to get greased up (including her bald head) in sunscreen because I fear the sun more than Heather fears zombies. I'm as "pasty as mayo" as my one friend said, so I'm worried Clare will burn the second the sun hits her, so she now squirms when she sees the sunscreen.
The pics are her 7 month pics. She has become a little more difficult to photograph. She now eats the sign (paper is her favorite) so after 2 signs, we gave up.
Clare also has a new favorite food. She has been on a "Eating for Mommy Strike" for the last week. For Chris, she'll eat anything. Even after she has complained, pursed her lips and refused to look at me, if Chris sits down in front of her she smiles and acts like she loves green beans. I think it's complete crap to be perfectly honest. I feed her 80% of the time and I'm the one who buys or makes her food. She really doesn't seem to care. So, after her throwing fits to dethrone Aunt Heather as the Queen, I've given in to her eating my banana with me in the morning. As in she has to bite off the end of the one I'm eating. None of this baby food stuff for her. So now in addition to 9.5 lbs of avocados, I also have 20+ servings of pureed squash that no one will ever eat. So today, I pulled out the big guns. I wasn't feeling well, so I thought we would try baby yogurt. And guess what? I WON! She ate the entire carton. Fantastic, huh? Now that I type this, I'm realizing that this might actually mean Clare won, but whatever. I'll take it. Hope you all had a great weekend. I can't wait to see so many of you again next month. Nana and PopPop are coming in the first weekend of May and I'll be home the 13th-17th:).

One More Just Text...

I fully realize most of you check in to see pics of the cute kid, so I'll be sure to add pics before the weekend is out. However, I thought this story was worth sharing. Clare and I went to the lake today for an afternoon walk. While we were there, a small little white dog was running around, with no owner in sight. Me and the "much better dressed Mom" (who go forward I will refer to as MBD) I met looked at the tag to see if there was an owner's number. Sure enough, they have the dog's name "Goldee" and a telephone number. So I dial the number and the owner says they live nearby, so someone will be over. She seemed fairly unconcerned. While we were waiting, me and MBD started chatting. As many of you know, I'm very friendly. I can make small talk with a wall. So, her delightful little boy was trying to convince the terrified little dog to hold still so he could "pet" her. Well, the dog was clearly not stupid and it only took one "pet" before she wanted to bolt. The MBD was wearing her newest addition on her chest (a child, who dressed in yellow was a poster child for "Unable to determine gender").

** FYI for the soon to be Moms: You will not get as many compliments if people can not determine the gender of your child. We don't know what to say. You can't call a baby it (especially if "it" is not your child). We are not sure whether to tell you your daughter is handsome or your son is adorable. Please give us some type of gender cues, in either clothes or quickly proclaiming your child's gender. As Clare is bald, she is rarely in anything that is not pink. She has a little friend, who is 10 days younger and that child has PIGTAILS. Now, I'm not on a bitter tangent, I'm just guessing Sophie's Mom does not have to explain her child's gender and Sophie is likely permitted to wear other colors than pink and purple in public.

So, me and my newest BFF MBD are waiting for the owner. This tall guy starts to walk across the park and the MBD starts explaining to her son (crazy hard petter kid) that this is the Doggie's Daddy. MBD is also explaining to Goldee that her Daddy is on his way. I'm not sure if this was also for the kid's benefit or the dog's, but since MBD Mom and aren't friends just yet, I thought I would keep my thoughts to myself. As the dog's owner approaches the dog goes CRAZY. I mean, out of it's mind. Running in circles around the MBD Mom and her kid. The guy is trying to be nice, telling Goldee she's a "bad girl" in a really fake voice. Well, clearly Goldee is not buying this act. She knows the second she out of sight, she getting beat. The guy tries to snag her on the run and she flops over and starts shaking. He is a little embarrassed by Goldee's reaction. He tries to pet her and she continues to shake. After a few awkward moments, he tells Goldee to go home and off she runs.
So, here is the moral to the story. I know the dog was putting on a show. Know it. She was totally playing on me and BDM's sympathy. I'm not quite sure if I'm a switch kinda Mom (Morris Girls, do we need to review?) but I do know that Clare will 100% play that card in public. Then as the parent your stuck between playing fake nice and the just wait to we get home under your breathe move or not caring at all what others think and disciplining your kids. So what do you do? That's all I thought about on our walk home from the park, was what kind of future trouble Clare will cause....

Dear Crazy Lady at Target:

Dear Crazy Lady at Target,

Thank you so much for your kind advice. I realize that you find the need to help others with your wisdom on a daily basis and would like to suggest you write a book. I know when it's 45 degrees outside and raining that Clare will not melt. Thank you for mentioning this as I put a blanket over her head to load her out of the cart and into the car. It's also super helpful to point that out to a Mom who is navigating a parking lot with a cart packed to capacity with a huge storage tote, dog food and other big items.
Ummm, what is that? Those new car seats are too big? Oh, well thank you for your help. I wanted to find a booster seat and duct tape, but my local BRU didn't carry that model. I know we are all crazy in my generation. The things we do for our kids. Oh, the straps of the car seat will cause her to be delayed in walking because you niece, who is a teacher, told you that? Good to know. Can I give you my pediatricians number so you can inform her? She wasn't clear on this when she or the hospital required me to put her in a car seat (besides it being the law).
Am I one of "those" Mom's? Ummm, yes. I am. I'm sure shopping cart covers are a waste of money. Thank you again for all of your help while I load Clare into the car and unload the cart of merchandise into the back. I'm mostly grateful I had so much stuff, so that you could take your time, standing in 45 degree weather, getting wet to tell me all about how to raise her. Do you babysit? Maybe you could stop by once a week and instruct me on what I'm doing wrong.
Well, it's time for me to go, but I wanted to drop you a quick line and tell you again how much I appreciate all of your help and advice.

God Bless,
April

REM

Clare has mastered yet another skill that which is adding nails to my coffin. She can scoot backwards, really far now. She can rock on her hands and knees. That looked scary enough. She could scoot a little ways backwards. Now, she can get across the room in under 30 seconds. She mostly tries it when I leave the room. I think it's her way of getting back at me for feeding her avocados with every meal. I view her being mobile as the "End". As in, I'm screwed. Although, when I tell this story, every time, the song "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (and I feel fine)" by REM comes to mind. Super annoying song and I only know that verse. It's then usually followed by "We Didn't Start The Fire" for no apparent reason. That one involves a very fancy dance that is very similar to the dancing baby on Ally McBeal. Our house is entertaining.
So, Clare is on her way to being mobile. Friends have all warned we should start baby proofing now, which makes complete sense. However, we are procrastinators with a capital P, so I'm sure we'll wait. I have also started pricing out baby jail. I'm sure there is a nicer name, but be honest, it's really just a baby jail. So, this will become the focal point of our living room in the near future.
There are so many more things to worry about now that she is so active:
1. Dropping the crib so that I will need to drop her the last 12 inches when I put her down for nap, which should serve as an effective way to wake her up.
2. Tether the tv to the wall, so she can't crush herself with the huge plasma in the living room.
3. I can no longer leave her on her changing table and walk away, so that I can make myself a cup of "Morning Mommy Happy Juice" which is different than "Evening Mommy Happy Juice".
4. She has started just directly feeding Abby. She takes a puff and holds it over the tray until Abby licks it off. It's gross on so many levels.
This list is really endless......

Happy Easter!!

Clare had a great Easter. The basket was bigger than her and was filled with lots of fun toys. I'm kinda lazy, so I recycled Nana's Easter basket, because it was really cute and Chris had already eaten the candy by the time I returned home from Cincy. So, we filled it with a few toys for Clare, since we can't really use Clare as an excuse to put candy in her basket just yet. We went to Aunt Ginny's for the best dinner! So good. Yummy ham and all the fixin's. I'll be sure to write more, but I had my first post baby migraine from about 2-7 am last night, so I'm off to bed soon.

Ummm, real quick. Has anyone ever heard of an Easter Egg Hunt with Mini Liquor bottles? B/c I just heard of this amazing idea today, and I would like to know why we haven't played this game yet? Seriously, this may be the best idea E-V-E-R. Any takers on hosting next year? Ham-Schmam...I want liquor. Aunt Ginny, are you in? Cause, my yard is pretty small, so we could all win, quickly.

Hope you all had a great Easter!

It's About Damn Time...

This will be like many of my conversations....LONG. I can't help it. There is so much to catch up on. As many of you know, the Fat kid and I went traveling through the Buckeye State for nearly the last 3 weeks. First it was off to Cleveland to visit Nana and Pop-Pop (hyphen or no hyphen?). We arrived on Friday night at 3am. Delightful, huh? Chris had worked a full day, so he and I stopped speaking somewhere around Harrisburg. I'm not sure why anymore, but it was a good one. I'm really disappointed I can't remember...Oh well. Stream of conscience. After arriving in the middle of the night, I was able to sleep in because it was the beginning of my BIRTHDAY WEEK! Cheryll and I went for pedicures and lunch (which I drank). That resulted in a mid-afternoon nap. Overall, a great birthday. Clare really liked the cake. While in Cleveland, we had lots of yummy dinners. We also took Clare on her first trip to the zoo! It was really warm, so we packed her up and headed off the the Cleveland Zoo. Which was fun. Although, because Clare is 6 months old, she didn't really seem to grasp that she was seeing animals that typically live on other continents. (I know Jules, it was so obvious) I wasn't sure how to help her. I kinda got the impression that she thought they were variations of dogs. Like, surprised that Serena is the fattest animal she has ever seen, but impressed how other animals looked different. She was really into the fish. Especially those with stripes. Loved them. I had to kibosh the idea of a fish tank, ASAP. Now, I'm a pet person. However, I hate fish tanks. They are fine at other people's houses. I'm just not feeling them here. Chris has always wanted one. But, me...not so much. My friend commented this past weekend (and I'm paraphrasing) that her pets didn't really bring much to the table in her life and that's how I feel about fish. What do they do for you? So, I had to lay down the law at the aquarium before Chris started angling for a fish tank "for Clare". Cause if we are going to use that, Clare really wants Mommy to get her toes touched up. More than she wants a fish tank. So, below/above are pics from the zoo. The giraffes came really close to meet Sophie (who was probably more expensive than the ones at the zoo). Clare also liked some of the monkeys. I hated the cheetahs. He looked like he could easily get out. I was not impressed with the zoo's security system for keeping animals far enough away. I like glass, 40ft. tall fences, etc. Not nearly dry moats. Did they learn nothing from the tiger in San Fran? Seriously. Pop-Pop loved this tree kangaroo. LOVED IT. I think the keeper was watching him to ensure Pop-Pop didn't try to bring home a friend for Missy. Daddy was a fan of this lazy koala bear. Apparently they sleep 23 hours a day.

Next we were on to Cincy. We made a minor pit stop at the Outlets, where I shopped like a crazy person for an hour while Chris and Clare played. Thursday night the whole family showed up to see the baby. I think they may have a GPS tracker on my car. I'm always confused as to how they know exactly when we arrive in town. Grandma and Grandpa were waiting on the front porch to race to the car for first dibs. We celebrated my birthday on Friday night, with the best cake ever.
We were able to see Aunt Becky while we were in town on her big move to the Lonestar state! On Saturday we had dinner plans with Aunt Heather and Uncle Seth. Shanghi Mama's. SO YUMMY! I'm still dreaming of the appetizers.
Sunday, Chris left to head back to Jersey baby free. He was sad, although I'm sure he didn't miss the "Soapbox Second". This is where I wait until we are trapped in the car and begin to discuss something that is sure to start a "discussion".
It results in any of the following:
(a) we don't speak until Harrisburg
(b) I call others to give support to my clearly factual claims
(c) Chris probably debates if the Dr. who did my tonsil surgery would have had a slip of the knife for $ that would have rendered me mute and why he didn't just try to bribe the guy
(d) I climb on my soapbox (which is harder than it used to be) and began to lecture on the subject with random references to potential studies that support my argument, go off on several tangents, get writers cramp in the my hands from all of the motioning and generally speak about 400 words per a minute.
(**D almost always wins**)
So, Chris left our sorry butts in Cleves and drove away. He claims he was bored on the trip, but who knows?
On Monday, we visited my favorite Goddaughter! Sophie, Susie, Wyatt and Anne were all doing great. They are all moved into their new house. Sophie showed me her awesome skillz on the interwez...I learned I love goo and glitter!
On Wednesday, Aunt Erin stayed the night. Ummmm, thank you. Seriously, that was fantastic. Despite having to share a bed with me (just like we were 5, except without the kicker), Aunt Erin helped me get tons of sleep. Then Aunt Erin and Grandma went to the park with us. We went to Fernbank first b/c we forgot there were no swings. Then we went to the Cleves BMX park, to play on the swings. Lots of fun! Clare loved the swings and she even fit in the bucket.
On Thurday, we celebrated Aunt Heather's birthday, where in the link, there are pictures of her smashing her own face into the cake. She's an interesting girl. Clare just watched in awe. Typically Clare is in trouble when she eats like that, but Aunt Heather is scary, so she got away with it. We also visited Great Grandma and Great Grandpa.
Friday was the FREEDOM FRIDAY! I went away for the weekend, leaving Clare to her very first overnight at Grandma and Grandpa's. Grandpa Kevin picked on me just a little to often, so I bribed Clare to get even. On Friday night, she decided to check in with Grandpa every 2 hours. All and all, it sounded like fun. When I checked in on her Saturday morning, I didn't even recognize his voice he was so tired. After a wild weekend of fun with the Morris Girls' Reunion, we returned home to a set of Grandparents that looked as if they had been run over by a truck. I giggled. Clare did exactly as planned.
Monday, we visited with G-3 and prepared for the flight of the century. Tuesday it was off the airport, where we had lots of fun. Both US Airways and TSA are super helpful to a lady with a baby. No one touched my formula or argued with me as to whether I had brought a reasonable amount. I made good friends on the flight with my neighbors and Clare only complained a little as we landed, but was distracted from being really mad because the neighbors had such wild stories and she is Mommy's daughter, so nothing is more important than gossip!
So, great trip home. Hopefully, we'll update more often now that we're home and please check out the shutterfly link for more pictures:) Miss you all already!

Update soon...

I realize we are way past due for an update. We just arrived home yesterday, so I plan on taking some time tomorrow to write the longest post in history....Check back soon!